Turns out there was a director’s cut version of myself all these years, never seen by anyone. Until now.
Hello, world.
No, it’s not that I was too lazy to remove WordPress’s generic first blog post.
In my case, at least, the “Hello, world” intro seemed rather appropriate.
That’s because this is the first time I’m saying hello to the world as, well, me.
I’m a transgender woman who’s kind of come out, kind of not. By that, I mean that only my wife and my counselors and another transgender friend knows the real Director’s Cut version of me. To the rest of the world, I’m still the edited theatrical (or worse, the made-for-TV) version of me they’ve known all along.
I’ve yet to find a way to letting my friends and family know that, hey, guess what, the original Director’s Cut of this movie is so much different and you’re never going to believe how different it is and, oh yeah, about the main character, you’re not going to believe that little plot twist…
But I have to believe that conversation is coming as I cautiously step out of the shadows of my super-secret closet of jean skirts and high heels and into my truth. (I was going to say into the light, but I have to imagine my truth is a well-lit place using only energy-efficient LED bulbs so that we’re also being environmentally conscious, so we’ll go with that instead.)
And so, as I wrestle with this decision on if and when to announce to my friends and family the release date for my Theatrical Cut version, I decided I’d start a blog.
Which I know seriously dates me because blogging is so 1970s somehow. But it’s what I decided to do for two reasons.
One, I thought it’d be nice to put all my crazy thoughts on digital paper as I wrestle with this transition into my presumably well-lit, energy-efficient truth. That way, I a) don’t go crazy…er, and b) I keep some kind of record of my journey so that, maybe a few years from now, I can either i) laugh out loud, or ii) know exactly where it all went off the rails.
Two: I thought that if the sharing of my journey actually helps someone else who, not unlike me, is a little older and a little scared about the truth they already know but are afraid to give voice to, and they too are scared that their truth is somehow a dimly lit place where they might stumble and fall…well, then it will have all been worth it.
So you and I can make of this blog what we will. A diary of a journey. An instruction manual. A collection of random thoughts that somehow sprinkle in nuggets of hopefully-helpful information with talk of my favorite jean skirts and high heels. An advocacy forum for energy-efficient light bulbs.
Why don’t we just see where the road leads us?
Just let me change shoes. These heels are killing me.